THE WEAVE:

…Lilith remembers…

I HAVE SLEPT IN YOUR ASHRAMS

I have risen at Sunrise
to chant the names of GXD,
with men, because I came with man.

They separated us at Sundown,
and sent me to sleep
on a couple's couch, aWay.

Adam didn't even make it
to the Temple in the morning.
I knew he would not, without me.

He sleeps all Day, suffering
from his own great severing.
But I Loved him with my whole

Heart.  I wasn't really supposed to be
there, with them.  I did not know
which rituals were mine to take.

No female guide emerged
to take my hand,
and I did not know

how to ask for anything
I needed, at that point in my life.
So I sat against a wall,

with a scarf over my head,
chanting the names of GXD
on the beads.  My Love

showed up, three hours later,
sneaking in after the Light,
and just before Prashadam.

That was his favorite part.
Adam just wanted to eat
the blessed food of the Earth,

and there was no wrong to do so.

BEFORE THE FIRST TIME

I ever chanted Kirtan,
Adam had to drag me out
of bed. It was another one

of those Night Seas:
inexplicably full of dread,
and drowning.  "This will help,"

Adam said, "I promise."
He drove us to the Temple.
He had met Vinod a week before,

while eating a muffin
on a bench, watching the Brahmacharis
sing and dance, in the street.

Personally, I think they had
a crush on Adam, pent up
and agitated as they were.

We would sing our songs for them,
sometimes.  But I was alWays jealous
of what was not mine- The music

his, but stemming from my Light.
Only Ananda really treated me
like an equal.  When I asked him

how old he was, Ananda told me,
"I am a Timeless being,
and also 25."

Kirtan: Dancing and singing
altogher, but on seperate
sides.  "Ladies keep to yourSelves!

Separate Bliss only!"
I studied the Bhagavad Gita
more than Adam.  I longed to merge.

I looked for signs.
But no one would take me
under their wing, except

through the dick I rode in on.

WE STARTED PRACTICING TANTRA

mostly accidentally, because
Adam was grieving his father,
and his body was telling him

it was dying.  He couldn't come
without having a nose bleed, but
he alWays wanted to have sex

with me.  So, he just
stopped coming, and I became
the focus. which was fine with me.

I had never had another person
care, about my orgasm.  It took
almost 8 months, of being together,

before I finally had one.  But
in general, for him, my body was
some kind of Temple, until it wasn't

anymore.  Sometimes he could
barely enter me at all.  "Lili,"
Adam would say to me, "You know

it is your party, right?
It is your Garden.  No man
can go there, without you.

We are all just visiting.
It is a special backstage
pass, you permit me."

We never really focused
on controlling my Energy,
because it would take so long

to open the box, and by that Time
we were both ravenous, and ready.
But the more I learned

about bodywork, and Energy,
the more it would just naturally
seep into our sexuality.

We didn't know what we were doing.
Mostly, we were playing. All of my pain
opened, in the most pleasurable Way,

and it was rife with Daddy
issues.  Sometimes, I would black out,
and lash out, during sex,

and Adam made me pay for that.
Crumbling in apologies, for what I did
not understand in mySelves.  My child

was angry, and she had something
to say.  Adam didn't recognize what was
inside, and neither did I.

There was too much
cognitive dissonance, trying to drown
the Dark in the Light,

and absolutely no therapy.
I was 23.  I worked 3 jobs
so I could study massage therapy.

We were poor, which was fine
with me, but Adam was too used to
being a Prince of New Things.

He couldn't really hack it
outside of the Garden, and I was
in no shape to be his Mommy.

We were not exactly happy.
We were in an Ocean
of Awakening.  We were

an entire World unto ourSelves.
It was fucking crazy.
And that was when I fell

off his pedestal.

“They left him with a gimp

wing, to be ravaged by

the Night Things: Damned ones

with sharp sight, knife-like

broad wings, and honed claws

that strike like bolts of Lightning.”

– The Oracle of Passeridae